Jack Chick’s “In the Beginning” Dissected

This dissection’s guest speaker is my friend Matt: an anthropologist, full time smartass, and an overall cool guy. He enjoys long walks on the beach, pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain. Kudos to his originality for taking the dissection experience one step further by turning it into a drinking game. The audience and I applaud you … and your hardy liver.  If I dared to go where you are going, I’d be dead by the second panel.

We have joined forces to take on Chick’s attempt at debunking evolution … by which I mean the actual observed phenomenon as well as the theory explaining it.  He also carelessly lumps abiogenesis – the origins of life – into the mix even though it has nothing to do with evolution, but I’m more or less letting that one slide since he probably thinks Adam and Eve used to ride dinosaurs around the Garden of Eden. I’m not really setting my expectations too high.

Let’s begin.

Senator Jason:  Even in the first panel, I can verify by the relative simplicity and cartoonish dinosaurs that this is going to be a Jack Chick original.  I was originally going to make some snide comment on the factual inaccuracy of the cover on the basis that Stegosaurus and Tyrannosaurus were separated by more time than the latter is to us.  Then I noticed the goddamned giraffe, and realized that Jack just doesn’t even care.  And if you were to ask him, they were all created on the same day so he’s actually right after all.

Matt:  I’m a little concerned about this tract already, given the usual arguments Biblical creationists whip up to debunk Evolutionary Theory. I can only speak for myself (except for at the end of this sentence where I’ll speak for everyone) when I say that bellicose creationists annoy the hell out of me and anyone else who works in such frivolous fields as biology and anthropology. Much like all things in life- from train schedules to performance reviews- I’ve decided to turn this dissection into a drinking game to liven it up a bit. Snowed in with nowhere to go, I’m going to take a shot of Stoli every time Chick drops the G-bomb and I may or may not yell “Woo!”

Senator Jason: We set the first scene.  Dorm room.  Liberal college setting. 1980s, judging from the crappy computer graphics.  A conversation between two intellectuals.  Of course, in a college setting, what sort of idiot would walk into a friend’s room and start bragging about his plastic dinosaur with a friend he nicknames “computer man”?

Well, okay, I did the same with a giant plastic lobster my freshman year roommate and I hung on one of our speakers with the help of some twine and netting.  (We also lined one of the walls with aluminum foil.  Don’t ask.)

It’s nice to see Chick starting off on the right foot by saying that everybody in the scientific community, including those they teach, have been BRAINWASHED!  He should know because a buddy of his said so in a book, the details of which are conveniently provided in case we want to pick up a copy.  Why are scientists and teachers brainwashed, you may ask? Because they have the audacity to tell their students that some dinosaurs lived 145 million years ago.  In other words, because they give their students facts.  Pff.

For the record, you can’t say with a straight face that scientists have been brainwashed if you offer the Bible as the only valid alternate explanation. This is the same book that says that an all powerful god was stopped in his tracks because of a legion of iron chariots (Judges 1:19), bats are birds (Leviticus 11:19), hares chew cud (Leviticus 11:6), and that language didn’t evolve but just sort of came out of nowhere (Genesis 11:6-9).  Sound familiar?

Matt:  This is the first thing I thought of when I read “Computer Man”. And I’m not sure where this tract is supposedly set, but what I do know is that no one- greasy mustache or otherwise- works on statistics at their computer with the lights off and the blinds pulled down. Call it a hunch, but I think the Clark Gablesque roommate (aka ‘computer man’) is annoyed not with evolutionary theory, but with his clueless friend’s interruption.

Senator Jason: And fundamentalism is the religion of those who ignore the world around them … the world, might I remind you, that GOD HIMSELF supposedly created. So he either created the world the way science has determined up to this point, or he created it the way the Bible says, and planted countless artifacts to deceive us.  I suppose you also consider plate tectonics, germ theory, clinical psychology, and cosmology religions because they too happen to contradict the bible?

“I can tell you the exact day! It was last Tuesday, when we all went to brunch. Didn’t you get the memo?”

I also think that people in this country who understand and accept the theory of evolution as the explanation for the origin of the diversity of species don’t do it because they hate God or are mocking him.  Some may not believe in him at all.  Others may believe, but realize that divine intervention or interference isn’t necessary to explain how the process works.  It’s really up to the individual person.  If they’re laughing at anyone, it’s people like Jack Chick and his friends who can’t seem to pry themselves out of the first century.

Matt: I resent evolution being called a religion. I never had to anoint myself when I entered the archaeology lab, and I only had one professor that forced us to kneel before him while he lectured. Theories don’t claim to be religions, and I’m sure that most proponents of evolution would. . . shit, that’s two G-bombs in one panel! Woo!

Senator Jason:  “Jason”?  Screw you, Jack.  I want nothing to do with this imbecile or your stupid tract.

Introducing the “False Dilemma”, with your guest host, Jack Chick. God help us all. I’d love to know where all of these scientists are that are constantly contradicting each other. Paleontology seems to be a pretty stable science, and though there might be some disagreement on how to taxonomically classify some of their findings in terms … and even some big fark-ups like the Brontosaurus, overall they’re very good.

But alright … let’s put aside the fact that Jack is just deliberately lying for a moment.  Let’s assume there is no consensus among the scientific community.  Give me one good reason why I should immediately run off to a collection of ancient Sumerian creation myths in order to fill this hypothetical gap in our understanding of ancient life.  Can I do this with everything I can’t be bothered to understand?  If I get confused about how the world economy works, should I consult the Harry Potter series?  Will the Collected Works of Edgar Allan Poe help me understand the subtle nuances of making the perfect soufflé?

Matt: “I found this to be the only source I can trust”. Well, I’m sold. If it’s good enough for Computer Man, it’s good enough for me.

I know plenty of scientists who offering different points of view from one another, but very few outright contradict one another (unless we’re talking about theories compared to, say, 800 years ago against those of today.) And speaking of contradictions I think that there Bible you’ve got in your hands has quite a few between the covers but, y’know, admitting that your theory could be false just isn’t as cool as blindly attacking the oppositions “facts” and “research”.

Man, we’re only in the 6th panel and that’s the third ‘God’. This is going to be rough. . .

Senator Jason: Did Tom Jones, Dinosaur Lover just fart? Looks like his prehistoric buddy thinks so.

Oh, crap. Okay, so the Bible doesn’t mention a Big Bang, so it couldn’t have happened.  He does, however, mention the presence of the Earth on the first day.  Was it there already?  Did some parts of the universe exist before Day 1?  Let’s consult the Bible for the Truth!

And while we’re at it, let’s take a look at what the Truth encompasses (thanks once again to The Closet Athiest) …

GE 6:15 The size of Noah’s Ark was such that there would be about one and a half cubic feet for each pair of the 2,000,000 to 5,000,000 species to be taken aboard. Including all of the species that may or may not have been extinct by this time, we could be talking about stuffing tyrannosaurs, triceratops, and other goodies in a very cramped space. I wouldn’t want to clean the pens after feeding time.

GE 7:19-20 The flood covered the earth with water fifteen cubits (twenty plus feet) above the highest mountains.(Note: This would require steady, worldwide rainfall at the rate of about 6 inches per minute, 360 inches per hour, 8640 inches per day–for 40 days and nights–so as to cover the entire earth with an endless ocean 5 miles deep, thus burying 29,000 ft. Mt. Everest under 22 ft. of water. How did the author know the depth of the water? Did Noah take soundings? And where has all this water gone?)

GE 9:12-16 God first creates the rainbow. Apparently “Let there be light” and the creation of the Firmament (water vapor) didn’t do the trick. The laws of refraction weren’t in full gear until now.

LE 14:33-57 God himself believes that a house or clothes can have leprosy and he details the remedy. The reason why Jesus didn’t get leprosy was because of the same reason others didn’t get it. They were naturally immune.

Matt: Holy hell. Three more shots. Maybe I should have picked a more obscure word that Chick would never use, like Bombogenesis.

This must be a terribly exciting experience for the dinosaur lover, as evidenced by his lil brontosaurus popping up to say hello in this panel. It must be the sly wink from Computer Man.

Senator Jason:  Oh, Jack.  For someone who gets all lightheaded over the only perfect translation of God’s Word in the form of the King James Bible, I thought you’d have used it when trying to make your point, not fill in the gaps with your own convenient interpretation:

And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

My guess is that God didn’t know much about water “vapor” since the bible just talks about dividing the waters from the waters. But even so, creating plants before creating the sun does seem a little ass backwards. Especially since the sun and stars would have been the only possible source of light.

HAW HAW.  Tom, if that’s the best argument you can muster before starting to doubt the centuries of scientific discovery you’ve been reading about, then you deserve to be converted. Look at the way you’re sweating. It’s pathetic.

Matt: It’s pretty obvious that he’s sweating here because of the Pre-Cambrian erection he has going on in the last panel.

Dinosaur lover certainly loves charging off into a fight without any reliable information to back up his side. Who does he think he is, an American? *rimshot* Seriously, though, he didn’t even approach Computer Man with a text book on evolution, or hominid divergence. He came up to him armed with a PLASTIC DINOSAUR. This is why, gentle readers, he rebuke Computer Man with the eloquent ‘haw haw’ of this panel.

Oh, and lest I forget, Woo!

Senator Jason: Oh shit, looks like Tom Jones is in trouble. They had to be real days, or the plants that God just created out of nothingness would have died, since all of a sudden things have to obey the laws of the natural world.  Alternatively, Or, they could have lasted for a mind-bendingly long time on their own, like humanity did back during that time.  Given the stuff we read about in Genesis, I wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t real days since it’s pretty clear God was still winging it.

And if all of these animals were created at the same time, what the hell happened that caused the MASS EXTINCTION of COUNTLESS species in such a short time? We’re talking in the millions. Over a few thousand years … that’s a thousand per year. You think we’d notice something like that. Or the (pre-industrial) climate changes that would drive such a kill-off.

Matt: Woo! Time for a history lesson! In the 17th century, Archbishop Usher used the Bible to pinpoint the Earth’s exact date of creation at October 23rd 4004 B.C. (at 9am, if you’re curious). Most of the world has realized this was complete and utter bunk, except for our friend Chick.

I’m not being flippant with this dismissal of Usher’s model, either. I know of a few creationists who even think it’s crazy. An acquaintance of mine is a PhD student in Geology who is a strongly devout Christian and a self-avowed creationist who leads prayer groups and even has a “Fish don’t walk and Jesus still lives” keychain. Despite his references to the lie of evolution, the geologist-to-be has admitted that the ‘days’ referenced in Genesis are a metaphor and that the earth was, in fact, created billions of years ago.

Senator Jason: “My brain is reeling!!” THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE DUMB.  Granted, it might also be because Computer Man has an entire 1.5L bottle of Bacardi 151 hooked up to a vaporizer in the closet.  Hey, just because you believe in God’s creation and the literal word of the King James Bible doesn’t mean you don’t know how to cut loose and have a little fun.  After everyone’s all nice and limber, he breaks out the acid and we all take turns doing Predator impersonations in the bathroom.

The first panel is one of the reasons I love Chick’s artwork.  Every so often you just get the feeling that after spending a couple of hours trying to get everything just right, he’s suddenly filled with a sense of urgency and just says, “aww, fuck it” and throws in some filler.  Case in point, the hastily drawn pig in the middle of the jungle, along with the leopard and allosaurus in the background.

Looks like bacon’s back on the menu, boys!!

Matt: My brain’s reeling, too, but not from the word of God- it’s reeling from the miracle of fermented Russian potatoes.

Chick’s lack of research shines in this panel. I won’t even argue the fact that even 4th graders know dinosaurs existed hundreds of millions of years before Gorillas, let alone humans but I will defy you to find me a forest anywhere in the world* that has a climate able to support koalas, horses, and pigs.

*Exclusive of Hidden Vales and other such prehistoric Lost Worlds

Senator Jason:  HAW HAW.  Evolution is a lie that our teachers are trying to force us to believe.  Scientists aren’t in agreement over the age of the earth and of the fossils.  Obviously, the only source that makes sense of it all is the one telling me mankind was from dirt after life was breathed into him by God.

“Prehistoric” was created to brainwash us? Writing wasn’t developed until about 3500BC at best.  Even if creation were supposedly real, that would leave about 500 years worth of unrecorded history until someone got the bright idea of jotting it all down.

And let’s not forget that there’s archaeological evidence that the biblical city of Jericho has been inhabited since about 9000 BCE …

Matt: Here’s where Chick’s craziness falls into a vat of chemicals and gains abilities far beyond those of normal craziness. Senator Jason beat me to the punch here, but suffice it to say that there are millennia of early human settlements devoid of written records of history, thus fulfilling the definition of the word prehistoric. And that’s not counting earlier hominid species with cultures that are easily recognizable in the fossil record (Neanderthals).

I don’t feel so good. . .

Senator Jason: Bullshit is always hard to swallow. But this … this …

Wait, hold it.

Jack, let me see if I have your reasoning down.  You’ve spent the entire tract up to this point discounting the scientific community and its archaeological findings.  THey’ve been “brainwashed”, blah blah blah.  Now, suddenly, you point to a photograph of human and dinosaur footprints supposedly side by side, and submit it as evidence that they existed together because God doesn’t lie?? 

The Yiddish have a great word: Chutzpah. You, Jack, have chutzpah. You make every effort to debunk and dismiss an entire field of science, then find something in it that agrees with your beliefs and suddenly that one specific finding is GOD’S WORD!! Bravo, Jack. Bravo. No one aside from Ken Ham and Kent Hovind would even try to feed us such a phenomenal mountain of bullshit with a straight face.  At least you do the same exact thing to the Bible … you pick and choose what you want to believe and ignore the rest.

Matt: *generic indignation* For the record (ha!), it’s bad form to cite something you published. Further, the fossil record at Glen Rose, TX (Taylor’s Trail) isn’t half as conclusive as Chick wished it to be. There are ‘human’ tracks in the trail, and there are ‘dinosaur’ tracks. . . but neither are in close enough proximity with the other to suggest concurrent habitation. They were found in the same creek bed, in roughly the same strata. This can easily happen in areas of erosion such as, oh, let’s say a creek bed.

Hard to swallow? Dinosaur man, you ain’t the one drinking to the almighty. Woo!

Senator Jason: “How old is Adam?”

“6000 years.”

“After hearing how old Adam was, everything I’ve been taught up to this point is wrong.”

“By the way, God is one in three, really … the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.”

“Really, so that must mean whales didn’t evolve from land dwelling mammals.”

“Jesus died for our sins.”

“Ah, that would explain why I can pee while standing up.”

And if Chewbacca lives on Endor, YOU MUST ACQUIT!!

Matt: Doesn’t seem very Christian to say that you’re going to hate someone because of a sin they committed. What’s truly bizarre about this panel is that Dinosaur Man’s face has morphed into an amalgamation of Computer Man’s and his own. Oh, and it’s also worth noting that by placing Adam’s time in the Garden of Eden at 6000 years ago, Chick has shown that he does, in fact, support Usher’s model of the creation of the Earth.

My liver rejoices at the lack of God in these panels.

Senator Jason: Not everything.  Ever notice the subtle foreshadowing the authors of the bible used when God didn’t say “… and it was good” after he created Adam?  Well, to be honest, there’s two places where God created Man. The first time was on the sixth day where he made humanity, and then seemingly after the seventh day when he made Adam. Eh, whatever. Any way you look at it, God should have known right after he created us that not everything was good in the Garden of Eden.

Oh, and advice for God: there’s a reason why dogs are a man’s best friend. We’re so alike. Take a golden retriever, for example. Show him a steak. Wave it in front of him. Then place it down in front of him on the kitchen floor and tell him sternly, “don’t eat it.” See what he does. Extend the metaphor to the situation at hand.

And God, you had the good sense to have an angel guard the tree of life. Why the hell didn’t you have one to guard this one?  Was he on leave?  Shouldn’t you have known that this was going to happen, with you being omniscient and all, that Adam and Eve were going to disobey you, thus condemning billions of people to the hell you created?  You’re a stand up guy, Jehovah.

Matt: Ow! My liver!

Senator Jason: So what you’re saying is that the first lie in the bible was from God. Or maybe it was just an empty threat. But let’s move back one step:  if God was omniscient, and man wasn’t allowed to eat it … why the hell was the tree there to begin with?

I shall name thee, “Ibex, lion, zebra, wallaby, stegosaurus, and … umm … spiny – necked lizard thingy.”

And then women arrived at the scene, and she created drama. And everything went to shit.

Typical.

This is what happens when they leave the kitchen (ducks behind desk).

Matt: Agreed. The Bible pretty much spells out the role of women to be sandwich makers and pleasure providers. I can’t find much fault in this. Upon closer scrutiny, however, I can understand why God created Eve to keep Adam company- he’s a little too naked and a little too close to that Ibex for my taste. I don’t like the way he’s stroking its flank, and the sly look he’s shooting it isn’t helping matters any.

Senator Jason: Did you know that in the time it takes for you to succumb to temptation and betray God, you could save up to 15% on your car insurance by switching to Geico?

I also see no reason why we should think Satan was the serpent, either.  It’s not as if this serpent went by an actual name, and at that point in time the Jews hadn’t developed the idea of an afterlife or a devil yet.  But hey, if you want to say it was Satan to connect the other parts of the bible with one another, don’t let me stop you.

Adam and Eve’s hearts were innocent, yet a simple act of divinely preordained disobedience resulting from that innocence pissed God off so much that he decided to punish them and all of their descendants to follow until the last generation.  God loves you!

Matt: So, Satan entered the serpent. . . that Ibex is no longer safe in Adam’s hands. Someone has to. . . whoa boy, getting dizzy …

Senator Jason: Well, looking at the facts … the serpent was right.  They didn’t die on the day they ate of it (Gen 2:17), but got the very knowledge described to them by the supposedly evil serpent.  Adam died eventually … over 900 years later.  But hey, how could you resist a tree that could very well be the source of the original Spidey Sense??

Matt: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ‘n some bread, too. . . .

Senator Jason: They lost their innocence and ignorance of right and wrong, but they didn’t lose their lives for a thousand years afterward.  Again, the serpent was right; God lied to them.  Funny, that. It’s also strange that God didn’t know what had happened until Adam refused to show himself. THEN he made the realization only after asking Adam. I’m still not too sure what God expected when he supposedly saw all of this coming and could have done plenty to prevent it.  He sounds like the kind of guy who would kick his dog for peeing on the carpet.

In true guy fashion, Adam blamed Eve.  And on that day, Eve created the first doghouse.

There! … are! … three!  … fruits!

Matt: Exile from paradise seems a bit steep of a price to pay for smuggling a forbidden Papaya. And why is Johnny 5 standing next to Adam as the God-shaped atomic bomb is exploding in front of them?

Senator Jason: Where, in that part of the bible, is there a sentient creature called “Death”? God apparently chose Voltron to defend the Tree of Life with his Blazing Sword. Go Voltron Force!!

Death: “Look at what you did! You’re not going anywhere until you CLEAN THIS MESS!! Don’t give me that look, young man!” Remember, God, that it was the fact that you arbitrarily favored Abel that started this whole mess. I’m not condoning what Cain did, but still. You go from lying to our first father to playing favorites to his kids. Good going. Now it’s up to Cain to thoroughly populate the ancient world in two generations.  And then you wonder why it’s filled with angry, evil, sinful people when you decide to flood the joint.

By the way, who was Cain’s wife?  Or did he just bang Eve?

Matt: I know it’s early in Death’s career as the Drawer of Nets and all that, but I think he could be doing a bit more in the drama that is The First Murder than he’s doing here. Cain killed Abel in a paroxysm of envy, and… Death gawks and points. Don’t use that giant scythe you have or anything. Just, stand there and point. . . you could at least inform Abel that he got served.

Senator Jason: Blaming Adam for our current spiritual status, hmm …

DT 24:16 Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their fathers; each is to die for his own sin.

EZ 18:19-20 19 “Yet you ask, ‘Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. 20 The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.

So what does it matter what Adam did, if we are not to suffer for our fathers’ sins?

Matt: These two panels are the rhetorical equivalent of three hundred Bigfoots armed with flamethrowers and chainsaws– no matter what you have on your side, the war is already over and your side lost. How can you argue against it?

Oh, right. . . logic. Original Sin does not state that we are guilty of sinning because of Adam’s trangression, but rather that we inherited the taint of his sin. The philosophy Chick is referring to here (that we have sinned because Adam sinned) either shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the concept of Original Sin, or Chick’s support of another ridiculously antiquated Christian philosophy- the 12th century Waldensian movement. Peter Waldo, the leader of the French heretics, founded his philosophy on the credo of, ‘Adam sinned, so sinned all’. During the reformation, Waldensians once again appeared (bouncing back marvelously from their excommunication four hundred years earlier) and were denounced by Protestant and Catholic alike.

Senator Jason:  … and we go from a college dorm setting to laid back California villa.  Are we to assume Dinosaur Guy just walked into Computer Man’s house without knocking first?

What do I have to do to go to Hell?  Nothing, of course!  God loves you so much that everyone born of this Earth is destined to go there by default unless you spend your entire life praying, converting other people, and denying everything the scientific community has to say.  It also helps if you blame all of the ills of the world on atheists, since they make the baby Jesus cry.

If you read the early books of the Old Testament, they don’t even care where your soul goes. Did they believe in souls back then? The worst threat God gave us back then for breaking the law was a thorough ass-kicking from our generation to that of our grandchildren. If we were lucky, we just got a stoning. Back then, he was a god of life, not the afterlife.  When you died, you went into the grave, no matter what you did during your time on earth.

Matt: Here we see Dinosaur Man unmasked as the pansy he truly is. He sees now that he was foolish to embrace that plastic Dinosaur and thus the theory of evolution. . . which Chick doesn’t really confront head on, come to think of it. Jack did a great job of skirting the scientific facts of Evolutionary Theory and instead formed his argument against the existence of the word ‘prehistoric’ and then began citing Genesis. His only argument so far as I can tell is a refutation of the idea that anything could have existed earlier than 6,000 years ago.

Thanks, Adam, we scientifically-minded folk got served.

Senator Jason: If God really cared about us … he’d have designed us a little more intelligently, and not gone for a walk while Eve was being tempted by the first Geico representative. But that’s not even the point. He knew. He had to … he’s all knowing. He created everything, both good and evil, angels and serpents, right and wrong. This is all part of God’s plan. If that’s the case, then this little problem we face before us was his doing.

This, by the way, is also called “baiting” the protagonist. He’s now provided an excellent opportunity to sell some crap. Or, in this case, win some souls.

It didn’t “cost him everything”!  It didn’t cost God a damned thing.  He’s omnipotent.  And his “son” Jesus died for our sins, and then was resurrected after about a day and a half.  So in the end, he didn’t even die either.  What sort of sacrifice is giving up your life when you know you’ll not only get it back but live forever in paradise?  That sounds like an investment in the future.  The two thieves who were crucified along with him … now they gave up something valuable … and never got it back.

Matt: Of course you sinned, you bloated museum of indecisiveness! I’ve seen the nude Ibex posters in your room, you sick bastard.

Eurotrash Points: +1, for use of the optional ‘u’ in the word saviour.

Senator Jason: Eh, it’s the same old story … but with the same, age-old question:  “Why would God need to sacrifice himself to himself to change a rule he made himself?”  He’s all powerful, and all knowing.  He could have just changed the rules because he’s God. 

Matt: Simple, because then Mel Gibson- God’s chosen prophet- would have nothing to make a movie out of. Speaking of flagrant inaccuracies, where are the two other criminals who were crucified along with Jesus?

Senator Jason: Actually, it was Eve who brought us death.

Jeez.

Women. This is what you get for a rib, Adam.

Seriously, though … Adam and Eve received death (eventually), shame, labor pains, and all sorts of other nasty things for seeking knowledge … but where in the process of being kicked out of Paradise did God say, “Oh, by the way, when you die, I’m condemning you to hell for all eternity. You screwed up BIG TIME.”

So the take-away message from God is:  I love you, but only if you stay ignorant and completely obedient.  Got it.

Is computer guy radiating his own light? Is that a side effect of being saved?

Matt: Much like Witch Hunter Robin, we see that Computer Man’s eyes go completely and utterly to shit when invoking his supernatural powers. Unlike Robin, who could cutely incinerate anything within half a mile of her, Computer Guy’s pupils only white out while evangelizing.

If a friend of mine was indoctrinating me into a new religion because of my excitement over a toy dinosaur, I think I’d be sufficiently creeped the fuck out if his eyes turned milky white. Fortunately, I’ve only been in this position twice (damn those convincing Zoroastrians. . .) and neither time did the evangelizer turn into the holy avatar of Freddie Mercury.

Senator Jason: “Light of the World” … best MST3K movie ever.
Matt: I disagree. The Book of Mormon is poised to be the best MST3K movie ever.

This entry was posted in Chick Tract Dissections, Dr. Bob's House of Crap, Freedom from Religion, Profiles in Fundamentalism, Science Marches On, Sunday Morning Blasphemy, The Illogical School and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Jack Chick’s “In the Beginning” Dissected

  1. Hey, it’s Clark Gable again! Does he just go around converting random people? And look how easily he did so also! If that’s the case, then the next time a Scientologist comes up and mentions Thetans, he’ll be a Scientologist. And then when Pagan shows up . . . yeah. I went to church for years and it never worked on me. I remain thoroughly unconvinced by these arguments. Even the supposedly gold standard C.S. Lewis did nothing for me.

    And I LOVE how the woman is always at fault. It’s not just in Christian theology either, but everywhere. The Greeks had Pandora, the first woman who opened that box of evils! And our punishment is to have babies in pain? Was there any other way to get another human being out of your body without pain? Just – d’oh. It’s still used as an argument by some Christians to suppress women. I mean, that is a REALLY long time to hold a grudge.

  2. Pingback: Jack Chick’s “The Nervous Witch” Dissected | Crimes Against Divinity

  3. Nelson says:

    Well, every Chick tract is stupid… but this curly guy is by far the most stupid strawman I ever seen! I mean, what kind of real human fall on knees after such pack of nosense? Bible guy opens his magical book, says “in the begginnig…” and all safeties inside curly guy breaks. Seriously, I wish real guys like him existed in real life to sell them life insurances, or better, to sell them a cult. I’d be millionaire.

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