Refrigerate Before Shooting

Pork-Laced Bullets Designed To Send Muslims Straight ‘To Hell’

So apparently there’s a bunch of gun … “enthusiasts” … somewhere in Idaho who are both so unspeakably paranoid that they will be personally attacked by gun-waving terrorists in their own back yard at any given moment that they developed a special kind of bullet that will not only kill Muslim jihadists, but send them straight to hell at the same time.

The bullets [from "Jihawg Ammo"] are coated in pork-infused paint, which the company states makes the ammo “haram,” or unclean, and therefore will keep a Muslim who’s shot with one of the bullets from entering paradise.

I’m guessing it works with radical Jews too?  Did they check?  Should I bother asking?

“Peaceful and Natural”? You do know they’re bullets, right?

“With Jihawg Ammo, you don’t just kill an Islamist terrorist, you also send him to hell. That should give would-be martyrs something to think about before they launch an attack. If it ever becomes necessary to defend yourself and those around you our ammo works on two levels,” the company said in a press release earlier this month.

Not to be a buzzkill, but I’m fairly certain that just killing them would be good enough for most people.  As long as they can’t reach me from the afterlife, no matter which one they’re in, I’m really not that concerned anymore.

Now that I think of it, is anyone else reminded of the scene in A Christmas Story when Ralphie starts daydreaming about what he’d do when he finally got his Red Rider air rifle?

It’s lucky he has a compass in the stock.

This entire concept and their reasoning behind looks like the direct result of some bizarre, malt liquor-infused pre-adolescent fantasy about single-handedly killing the bad guys and saving ‘Murica after the government has failed and they’re the only hope left for the Free World.  You know, for all those times we’ve run into roving bands of al Qaeda members on the busy streets of Medford, Ottumwa, and Sheboygan and had to act fast.

Not only is the probability of ever running into a clearly identifiable Islamic terrorist here on American soil roughly the same as having Paula Deen host an ethnic cooking show on BET (boom!), but according to Shannon Dunn, a professor of religion at Gonzaga University, the tactic they’re using doesn’t even really work the way they think it does.

“There is no penalty for coming into contact with pork given by the Quran,” she said, pointing to verses that prohibit the consumption of pork and carrion that are reminiscent of Jewish dietary laws outlined in Leviticus.

“To my knowledge, Muslims, especially unknowingly, would not be banned from heaven for eating or getting hit by pork,” she said. “There are some interpreters who suggest that Muslims should eat pork rather than starve, if faced with that alternative.”

Surprise, surprise … they didn’t think things through in the slightest.  It doesn’t really matter since they appear to have plenty of friends on Facebook who think this is a grand idea and that’s what counts.  I suppose even if they don’t work, I’m pretty sure that the American public, Uncle Sam, and countless virgins in all of the red light districts in Paradise will give you an “A” for effort, and maybe a little extra credit for sheer enthusiasm.

This entry was posted in Dr. Bob's House of Crap, Freedom from Religion and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Refrigerate Before Shooting

  1. Elyse says:

    I wonder if the ammo has an expiration date like other meat products — shoot by July 4, 2013 …

  2. Just . . . WTF? You can’t make this stuff up. And of course they have a Facebook page. Just . . . WTF.

  3. I thought your post was funny–these comments are, too!

    All I can do is roll my eyes. And laugh.

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