Chuck Norris JAQing Off

Never in my life have I ever taken Chuck Norris seriously.  Those “facts” posted about him on the Internet a number of years ago were admittedly pretty funny, until he made an appearance to tell the world that one person is an even bigger badass than him, and that’s JESUS.

Realizing that while his acting career may finally (hopefully) be over, he decided to take advantage of his new-found Internet popularity to spread a message of fundamentalist douchery to anyone who would listen.  In his latest panic attack over society marching into the 21st century, he posted an op-ed in “AmmoLand” online magazine in which he “Just Asks Questions” about the supposed connection between President Obama and the president of the Boy Scouts of America, John Turley.  Apparently the attempts by Turley to make the Boy Scouts more inclusive and end discrimination against homosexuals is making Chuck Norris sad, and therefore it has to be the result of some giant liberal plot to kill God.

According to the meme, there’s another fist behind your beard.  After reading articles like this, it’s clear that there’s nothing but a pile of dogshit between your ears.  Let’s start with the title:

Is Obama Creating a Pro-Gay Boy Scouts of America?

My first guess would be “no”, since he’s not the one running the show.  Though I would think that with the amount of pressure on the BSA from all sides, they are very likely going to be adopting a stance that is much less discriminatory and hostile than before.  You know, sort of like the Girl Scouts, which hasn’t caused the world to end or anything.

The bulk of the article – I’ll save you the time of reading it but click the link if you want – is just a list of questions starting with “Is it a coincidence that … ?”, and then delving into a self-created web of connections and relationships that looks like it came straight out of Glenn Beck’s ass.  For example:

Is it a coincidence that Turley came out swinging against the BSA’s century-old policy to ban gays from leadership and that he has such close affiliations with the pro-gay Obama administration?

It’s only been official since 1991.  You were close, though.

Is it a coincidence that Turley and his wife, Lynne, were just guests at a state dinner hosted by President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama in honor of British Prime Minister David Cameron at the White House on March 14?

Is it a coincidence that Turley was nominated to President Obama’s Export Council in 2010?

Is it a coincidence Turley was granted a seat on an investment advisory panel that met with none other than Vladimir Putin in Moscow in October?

Is it a coincidence that Turley has been a global cheerleader for Obama’s economic strategies and an economic ambassador of sorts to other mogul business leaders, as is clearly seen in his Bloomberg interview from the 2011 economic summit in Davos, Switzerland?

There’s a sick amount of these that seem to go on forever, but the point is that because Turley seems to have a working relationship and also happen to view gender / sexual orientation issues in a similar fashion to the president, he must be getting “prods and perks” to do what he’s doing inside the BSA.  Because, as Chuck puts it at the end of his piece:

If two people think so much alike, you can bet that one person isn’t thinking. Or maybe a more fitting adage here might be this: You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.

… and this from a fundamentalist and a birther.  I guess if that’s all people like him are capable of doing, then it makes sense they can’t imagine two individuals having a similar opinion on a particular issue because of anything other than a direct order.

So as I said … I don’t take this guy seriously.  His fist-shaking at the heavens was making the rounds and I thought I would write a little piece on it, but it really doesn’t make any difference one way or another.  The problem is, though he may fade into well-deserved irrelevance, his opinions won’t.  There will still be plenty of people who are so convinced of the literal truth of the bible that any attempt by the BSA (or the country as a whole) to stop discriminating against homosexuals will be seen as a sign of the end times.

To borrow a quote from Oliver Wendell Jones from Bloom County, “kicking and screaming will the foolish be dragged into the 21st century.”

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7 Responses to Chuck Norris JAQing Off

  1. Regardless of what you may think of Chuck Norris or Barak Obama, you’ve taken cute headline writing to a new low.

  2. Erin W says:

    I can only hope the BSA finally gets their act together. I’ve been weighing the idea of renouncing my Eagle Scout award for years. On the one hand, it’s something I damn well earned. On the other, why would I want the recognition of such a retrograde organisation? This would make that decision a whole lot easier. And if they could stop requiring god-belief…

    • Yeah, I was going to bring up their issues with nonbelievers but I wanted to keep the focus on ol’ Chuck’s latest tirade. My opinion is to hang on to it for now, in the hopes that the BSA will finally get their collective heads out of their asses and join the rest of civilized society.

  3. mistlethrush1 says:

    How is it possible that so many people are so disconnected with reality? It’s terrifying.

    Crazy or not, though, Chuck Norris is just another a hateful douche.

    • Belief – especially fundamentalism – will have that effect. And when you have religious groups telling their congregations that their way of life and very existence is being threatened by people they don’t (and don’t want to) understand, it can have potentially deadly consequences.

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