As Science Advances, so Does the Woo

A number of years back, I had some health problems that didn’t seem to want to go away very easily.  When the medication used to treat one set of symptoms causes a whole host of others and you’re told that this is the way it has to be for the rest of your life, one can easily understand the desire to seek other alternatives.

One of the first things I did was to see a naturopath.  I know what’s said about them in general; however, my goal was not to abandon modern medicine, but to talk to someone about changing my overall diet / exercise / outlook to see if I could possibly increase my overall health.  In that regard, the science is pretty strong so things worked out well; I got a good idea of some foods to avoid, some others to incorporate on a regular basis, and even discovered Pilates along the way (which I need to get into again).  Again, I didn’t have much of a problem buying into this part of her spiel since it’s a pretty well established fact that diet and exercise can profoundly affect your health; as an experiment, try eating nothing but bacon burgers and lying flat all day.  You’ll see what I mean.

Before I knew better, I also was told to see her friend the homeopath.  $40 and a vial of water that was so diluted with a supposed “remedy” that there was literally nothing left except for water, I was no better off, and slightly poorer.  Fool me once.

Around the same time an acquaintance of mine who fancied herself a spiritual “healer” and “intuitive” (is that the new psychic?) was trying to build a customer base.  She said her mother could do something called a “DNA Activation”, and it would have a profound impact on my life.  Plus, I only needed to do it once, since it works for a lifetime.

Well, that’s good, I suppose.  I was less interested in the technique itself than getting the answer to the question:  What the hell is “DNA activation”?  I mean, really.  Mine’s pretty active or else I’d be dead.

I don’t remember what site I found at the time, but a good description of the process can be found courtesy of a guy named Toby Alexander at DNAPerfection.com.  (Actually it’s from a blog with the same name, but it sends you to their website and the videos at DNAPerfection.com have the same material.)  This is what it’s all about:

Most people know that DNA is the ‘blueprint of life’ and is located in every cell of the body. In addition to each chromosome’s 2 strand double helix of DNA, there are an additional 10 etheric strands of DNA available to each human, which have been dormant since the beginning of recorded history.

I suppose that explains why we’ve known about DNA for the last few thousand years, then.  Oh, wait.

Each additional strand possesses attributes that permit the individual to perform greater human accomplishments. Scientists acknowledge that we currently only use 3% of our current 2 strand DNA.

I think you mean that we’re only aware of what a small percentage does, and the rest appears at this point in time to be non-coding.  This reflects our current level of scientific understanding, not an immutable fact.

Thus we live in a society where people are sick, unhappy, stressed out, create wars, have difficulty experiencing love, and are totally disconnected with the universe. Most people have to meditate for many years just to have a so-called ‘mystical’ experience, that’s how disconnected we are now.

“Thus” nothing.  This has absolutely NOTHING to do with the prevalence of apparent non-coding DNA in our genome.

Imagine activating 100% of your 2 strand DNA, PLUS 10 additional strands! You will go from using 10% of your brain to becoming a multi-dimensional being with psychic, telepathic, and manifestation abilities beyond anything you’ve ever dreamed of. Plus, you will stop the aging process and actually start to rejuvenate to look and feel YOUNGER. This is the Original Divine Blueprint, what man USED to be.

Imagine using a minuscule amount of knowledge about biology and genetics to make your New-Age snake oil sound scientific!  Imagine having no way to back up your claims with any physical data whatsoever, but expecting people to buy into your explanation because you threw in some “science-y” sounding words!  Imagine making claims about its efficacy without any proof whatsoever!  Imagine people giving you gobs of money because they’re convinced they feel better after your “treatments” … so it must be legitimate!

Wait a minute, I don’t have to!

… PLUS 10 additional strands!

Act now and you’ll receive ANOTHER 10 strands ABSOLUTELY FREE.  Operators are standing by.  Call within the next 10 minutes to receive a free vial of messenger RNA and a ShamWow starter set.

Seriously, with all of the endogenous retroviruses in our genome, do you honestly want 100% of our DNA to be coding proteins??  What the hell would that even do?  And what kind of “divine blueprint” is he talking about?

It has been written that Jesus had 12 strands of DNA activated.

It’s been written that I can balance a car on my nose and break the land speed record wearing high heels.  Doesn’t make it true.  Though to be fair, I’ll let you tell me what passage in the bible talks about Jesus’s DNA.

The portions of the DNA chain that science has presently identified as the “Double Helix”, represent only the SURFACE portions of the chemical, elemental, and electrical components of the active DNA strands. Science has yet to identify the MULTIDIMENSIONAL spectra of DNA manifestation, and has yet to realize that within the structures of detectable DNA, there are levels of structure and function that direct the operations of the entire genetic blueprint, which are not currently detectable by the contemporary scientific method.

So in other words, there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever for these claims of “multidimensional DNA” and their supposed effect on the human body, socio-political upheaval, and the frequency of the Earth on alternate Thursdays … but the people hawking this “healing modality” are more than willing to sell you a way to “activate” it, thereby turning you into a telepathic, psychokinetic immortal who can code ALL OF THE PROTEINS because according to King Solomon and the Divine Blueprint, that’s what your DNA is supposed to be doing … for a nominal fee, I’m sure.

ALL YOUR FAULT.

Oy, my head hurts.  This guy probably makes a lot more money than me.  And what I do actually has real, tangible results that can be measured by objective, independent observers during peer review.  To get more information on the subject, I also visited a place called the Modern Mystery School, run by a guy named Gudni Gudnason:

WARNING:  This photo will activate your DNA.

It’s certainly a mystery, I’ll grant it that.  Here are some of the supposed benefits to having someone activate your “other” DNA:

The benefits from this powerful and truly transformative healing modality are countless. It is the foundational first step for every student here at the Modern Mystery School. Some of the great benefits (but not all of them) include:

  • Relief from anxiety and stress
  • Becoming physically infused with Light  [WTF?  -ed.]
  • Allowing you to see more clearly who you are and where you can go
  • Greater physical energy and mental acuity
  • Increased emotional stability
  • Strengthened immune system and response
  • Assistance in breaking of old unhealthy habits (like smoking, etc.)
  • Increased brain function and thought clarity
  • Assistance in increasing personal abundance
  • Assistance in creating positive relationships

Is Light different from light?  How can your body become infused with it?  Have there been any clinical studies to demonstrate a statistically significant increase in immune function after getting one’s DNA activated?  How about the effect on addictions?  I’m sure countless medical journals would love to get their hands on any new method that could help addiction to smoking, drinking, gambling, and some of the harder drugs that require pharmaceuticals at the current time.

I’ll save you some time:  no.  There’s plenty that science can’t explain, to be sure … but to mash up scientific terminology you don’t understand with new-age nonsense that doesn’t make a shred of sense and call it a “healing modality” is simple dishonesty.  At best, it’s taking advantage of the placebo effect to make people literally feel better, but not treat any kind of physical ailment.  At worst it’s taking people’s money and giving them a false sense of well being in return.

But hey … they’re offering classes!  Maybe I can become a new age energy healer too!  I’ll tell you one thing:  if people like Deepak Chopra and L. Ron Hubbard are any indication, there’s millions to be had in selling pseudo-scientific snake oil to give people an entirely fictitious sense of destiny and metaphysical purpose.  I may be looking at this whole thing in entirely the wrong way …

Hmmm …

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13 Responses to As Science Advances, so Does the Woo

  1. Dan Adler says:

    I know the “acquaintance” you’re speaking of, so I’ll let that part lay there and not touch it. I’ve also gotten all of the same spiel from her that you have (probably more of it, due to simple geographic proximity, but what with the internet, who knows). I have also looked at that Modern Mystery School. Have you seen what they charge for their classes? You could live VERY well off of this. And a LOT of people sign up (and pay) for these things.

    As for the naturopath. I’ve a friend (I met him through sci-fi cons. You meant all sorts of people that way) who is a trained naturopath with a practice out on Long Island. Nice guy. You’d like him: he fits your sense of odd rather well. At any rate, he is a naturopath. He has no interest in homeopathy or any of that. He is all about exactly what you said: changing your life style to be healthier. And if that includes using modern medicine, he’s all for it.

    As for the mystery school stuff. ANY of these schools (and there are more and more of ’em each day) that talk about traditions “handed down in an unbroken line from Soloman himself”… I wanna see sources on. Handed down by whom? In what form (written? Oral tradition? Etheric DVD?) and any of ’em that start talking about angels… oh please. I’m sorry, but my religion (yes, I have one) doesn’t include angels in any way. I’m happy if you believe in ’em, but they’re purely a creation of the ancient Hebrew faith and have been translated into modern Judaism, Islam and Christianity. That said, you can’t tell me these mystery things aren’t rooted in some sort of Judeo-Muslim-Christian faith from somewhere. It’s no different that those who believe that Wicca, as it exists today, is an ancient faith going back in an unbroken line to the ancient Druids (who weren’t Wiccan), even when there’s known proof (in the form of actual published writings and biographies) that prove that modern Wicca dates back to, at best, the 1950s.

    *sigh* I love the “acquaintance” we both share. Truly I do. But sometimes….

    • “Have you seen what they charge for their classes? You could live VERY well off of this. And a LOT of people sign up (and pay) for these things.”

      I have, on more than one occasion, considered exactly what it would take to concoct my own religion and New Age Healing Centre to take advantage of this fact. I’m not sure I could live with basically swindling people out of their money, though.

      “I wanna see sources on. Handed down by whom? In what form (written? Oral tradition? Etheric DVD?) “

      Well, it has been written that along with regular DVDs, there are also etheric DVDs whose existence has been understood by the ancients. I can sell you a special etheric DVD player for the low, low price of $10,000. It will also balance your chakras and infuse your body with Light.

      • Dan Adler says:

        “I’m not sure I could live with basically swindling people out of their money, though.”

        The trouble is, (or maybe it’s not trouble, per-se), the people who run these schools, or teach through them (or at least some of these people, such as our friend) don’t believe that what they’re doing is a swindle. They honestly believe that they’re helping people in a real, solid, beneficial way. And that they’re helping themselves (have you seen our friend recently? She’s really amazing these days: happy both with herself and her life. That came from somewhere, so kudos to whatever caused that happiness)

        Oh, and MY chakras don’t need balancing, thank you very much. They’re capable of crossing a mono-filament wire across Niagara Falls WITHOUT no much as a net.

        • There are quite a few who really believe in what they’re selling, and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. It’s good that these folks are into something that may end up helping them out psychologically, but that still doesn’t make the basis of the belief any more real. Plus, it could convince them to avoid “traditional” treatment approaches because of the pervasive belief that science and modern medicine are some sort of scam.

          • Dan Adler says:

            Sadly, our friend is trending in this troubling direction. As is (to a much lesser degree) my own father. As long as they’re healthy and happy, I’m willing to ignore it.

          • I’ll add one more: if they’re happy, healthy, and not trying to peddle very expensive placebos to everyone they can find, I’m willing to ignore it. Maybe that’s just me being cynical.

          • Dan Adler says:

            Nah. I can deal with the placebo peddling. Cuz people have the option to say “no thank you”. And many of these folks (including our friend) will accept that.

          • “people have the option to say “no thank you””

            True … it’s a far cry from forced conversion to be sure 🙂

  2. Adam Benton says:

    I love the “dormant since the beginning of recorded history” since it implies it was active prior to the invention of writing. Presumably there was the moment when the first author wrote the first thing and clutched at his chest as 10 strands of DNA turned off!

    • I’m reminded of the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. “Suddenly the animator suffered a fatal heart attack …” **WHUMP** “… the cartoon peril was no more.”

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