For a little backstory, conspiracy theorist and Christian fundamentalist minister John McTernan is blaming Superstorm Sandy – which the scientific community is able to explain as a combination of a hurricane and two other weather systems – on America’s growing acceptance of same sex marriage and homosexuality in general. As he explains:
Just last August, Hurricane Isaac hit New Orleans seven years later, on the exact day of Hurricane Katrina. Both hit during the week of the homosexual event called Southern Decadence in New Orleans!
Hurricane Sandy is hitting 21 years to the day of the Perfect Storm of October 30, 1991. I write about this in my book as America Has Done to Israel. This was the day that President George Bush Sr. initiated the Madrid Peace Process to divide the land of Israel, including Jerusalem. America has been under God’s judgment since this event. Both of these hurricanes were cause by freakish weather patterns that came together to create
Twenty-one years breaks down to 7 x 3, which is a significant number with God. Three is perfection as the Godhead is three in one while seven is perfection.
He uses math, so obviously there’s some legitimacy to his idea. Unfortunately it doesn’t explain why hurricanes have been around long before the acceptance of homosexuality, the existence of Israel either time around … or even the Jews back during the time of Abraham. In fact, hurricanes have been around for about as long as the Sahara Desert itself … and it’s no coincidence, since that’s why we have them. The more you know, huh?
In response to the impending storm, he called a prayer meeting to “call out to God” in a collective act of repentance. Given how well God’s listened to the pleas of his faithful followers before, I doubt it made much of a difference. I did get a kick out of this line:
The storm is projected to come right over my house, so it might curtail the prayer meeting if the power is knocked out.
You know, for a guy who interprets regular natural phenomena and weather patterns as “messages” from God about certain aspects of human society that he personally finds unappealing, you think he’s take a power outage during his prayer meeting as a sign from God to stop acting like such a tool and maybe just take up stamp collecting from now on.
Anyway … that’s McTernan. On to the story at hand, which is simply glorious.
Chris Green, 43, approached the media after US preacher John McTernan suggested that the hurricane was a direct result of acceptance of gay marriage and confirmed that it was in fact correct that the actions of himself and his partner, Phil Stevens, were to blame.
“There was no use pretending any more. Phil and I making love has been the cause of every major disaster of recent years. Hurricane Sandy, Katrina, the Boxing Day tsunami, the Paris Hilton movie The Hottie and the Nottie. Those were all our fault. We don’t know how it happens, but, as always, those radical evangelists were right on the money.”
When asked to comment, McTernan was found to be confused and irritable:
“I wasn’t even believing my own bullshit at this stage. Hell, it goes down great with the rednecks, but I never thought I was right.”
In relation to claims that McTernan linked Hurricane Isaac earlier this year to simultaneous LGBT proceedings in New Orleans, the preacher said:
“Look, man, I’m just clutching at straws. I had to blame someone, I’m way out of my league here. I can’t accuse illiterate trailer trash with 18 kids on benefits, that’s my fanbase.”
“We’re both very sorry we neglected to tell anyone for so long. We know it’s very selfish,” said Green. “The first time we kissed in the street a dog got hit by a car. The first time I gave Phil a handjob, back in 1994, it kick-started a civil war in Yemen. Everything started in Libya that weekend we spent at a hotel in Tenerife. It’s a hassle, but we’ve just got to live with it.”
Mr Green reckons that he and his partner should even take responsibility for every tragedy since the 1960’s, because “why not, homosexuality probably caused those too.” By this reasoning, a propensity for anal sex was the cause of the Vietnam War, the assassination of Martin Luther King, and Vanilla Ice.
I would also have to include the increasing influence of creationists and religious fundamentalism in our country, but I don’t think that’s the kind of thing that would be considered a tragedy by a god who punishes the world only for homosexuality.
Unfortunately, this article – as funny as it may be – is a response to the very real danger posed by people like McTernan, Pat Robertson, James Dobson, and others who go to great lengths to blame people like homosexuals, liberals, and feminists for not only what they think is the “downfall” of society but random natural disasters as well. Many of us can look at accusations like this and easily dismiss them as the paranoid rantings of a group of people who have been so brainwashed by the dogma of their religion that they have lost the ability to think rationally. The problem with simply dismissing such rhetoric without addressing it, however, ignores the history of the last century and the far-reaching, catastrophic consequences it had. Making these claims may sound good and get you some donations, but it might also convince some of your flock to take matters into their own hands, follow the words of the Good Book, and carry out the Lord’s work, Old Testament style. I’ve said before that words mean things. It sounds a little stupid, but apparently some people need a little reminder.