So God Has My Sense of Humor.

When some people get “fed up” with this country, they may stop voting.  Others go into politics or even volunteer with their local churches or school boards in order to make a difference in any way they can.  Some may turn to Internet blogging in hopes of finding other like minds and building communities that way.

Then there’s the Gastonguays.  They were so thoroughly repulsed at the idea that this once great nation is now falling into decadence and decay through the advocacy of legal abortion rights, equal treatment of homosexuals, and the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment that they decided to pack their things and set sail for the great unknown, with only Jehovah as their GPS.

Hannah Gastonguay, 26, said Saturday that she and her husband [Sean] “decided to take a leap of faith and see where God led us” when they took their two small children and her father-in-law and set sail from San Diego for the tiny island nation of Kiribati in May.

Their destination was supposedly chosen on the basis that they believed it to be one of the least developed countries in the world … no doubt a haven for people who don’t want government interference in their personal affairs.  Personally, I can think of a few places in sub-Saharan Africa and south Asia that fit the bill a little better than a place with a constitution and free elections, but hey, it’s as good a place as any, right?  Besides, the weather can’t be beat and the seafood is fresh.

But, I digress.  The problem with their leap of faith was … well … assuming God was going to lead them anywhere.  I suppose he did, in a way, since shortly after their journey began, His divine hand was seen from space pelting the utter crap out their boat with a series of storms so severe that they cast their vessel adrift in the middle of nowhere for several weeks.

They were eventually picked up by a Venezuelan fishing vessel, transferred to a Japanese cargo ship and taken to Chile, where they are resting in the port city of San Antonio.

… so God not only works in mysterious ways, but in pretty roundabout ones too.  Makes me think he spent some time working for United Airlines before doing the whole divinity thing.

The Gastonguays, after God laid the smackdown on them in the middle of the South Pacific.

I have to be honest, though, I admit there’s some part of me that respects these folks, even if only a little.  Most people, when faced with a situation they feel is outside of their control, say they turn to God and keep going about their normal lives.  Not these folks.  They saw their country going to hell in a hand basket, so they pulled anchor and left for a part of the Earth where God didn’t bother putting much land, and then relied on nothing but his Divine providence.  That’s devotion.  It’s also barking mad, but hey, they put their money where their mouths were, which is more than I can say for a lot of self-proclaimed “true believers”.  Too bad their kids were along for the ride.  I doubt they had any clue what the hell was going on.

Gastonguay said her family was fed up with government control in the U.S. As Christians, they don’t believe in “abortion, homosexuality, in the state-controlled church,” she said.

U.S. “churches aren’t their own,” Gastonguay said, suggesting that government regulation interfered with religious independence.

Among other differences, she said they had a problem with being “forced to pay these taxes that pay for abortions we don’t agree with.”

Welcome to America.  I’m paraphrasing, but Jon Stewart once said that paying taxes are like buying a ticket to the zoo.  Admission is $20.  You can’t go to the counter and say, “Hey, can I only pay $18?  I don’t like zebras.”  It’s all or nothing.  My taxpayer dollars go to a lot of things I don’t like, not the least of which being the funding of a government program designed to treat every one of its citizens as if they were guilty until proven innocent by way of electronic voyeurism.  The less said about a war in some God-forsaken part of the world that was based on false pretenses and fabricated evidence, the better.  Through all of this, our educational system is a shambles, the majority of our citizens think the earth is 6,000 years old, we give tax breaks to places where people gather and send their thoughts into the sky expecting an answer, and about 95% of us are one medical catastrophe away from financial ruin.

So yeah … I get it.  You don’t like where your money’s going.  Neither do I, but you guys are going to have to get used to the fact that while Christianity may be the de facto religion of the United States, that relationship has no legal leg to stand on, and the debt it’s accumulated over the centuries in the form of public prayer, swearing on bibles, and monuments claiming a strong Judeo-Christian basis for our modern legal system is coming due.  But have no fear.  The state will never control who you worship; it will only prevent you from inflicting your archaic prejudices against women and homosexuals on anyone else.  In fairness, everyone else will be prevented from doing the same do you.

If you do happen to feel as if you are being treated less than respectfully for your religious beliefs at this point in time, you might want to consider that it may have something to do with the fact that your putting your fate to the will of God resulted in having a number of different countries involved in a collective effort to rescue your asses from the briny deep.  Now that you’re back, please entertain the possibility that God doesn’t do what you think he does, and that your ultimate destination is developed enough to have a goddamned airport:

Kiribati’s Goddamned Airport.

I’m sure one-way tickets for the lot of you would have been cheaper than what it took to pluck you out of the ocean.

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This entry was posted in Dr. Bob's House of Crap, Freedom from Religion, Profiles in Fundamentalism and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to So God Has My Sense of Humor.

  1. Charity says:

    Yes, the America full of slavery, “Trail of Tears”, Japanese prison camps, and treating women and children as property was just so much better than the direction we’re going in now. HA!
    I really like my guitar teacher, but his wife trips me out whenever she talks about morality in the US today, especially how this country went to hell in a hand basket “when ‘they’ took God out of schools”. Grant it, I think she thinks my family’s still Christian. We met them through a Word of Faith Church that both of our families attended a couple of years ago.

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